Regrets? Not for me

Own your past and make room for the future by eliminating regrets

Thoughts are real things. They are far from ethereal, but rather a dynamic interplay of energy within one's mind. Undoubtedly one of the most important types of energy that exists from a human point of view. Everything humans ever created started with a thought, then several thoughts morphing into ideas. Regret, too, is a form of thought, yet it saps cognitive vigor, potentially sabotaging days, months, or entire lives. I no longer harbor regrets, not due to a flawless existence but because I have resolved to strive for improvement and triumph over my past, once and for all. Regrets have been evicted. If you can engage in a similar mental shift, you may find that you can restore and expand the full magnitude of your potential for well-being and daily strength.

First, let's ask ourselves an important question: Why would regrets be a bad thing?

I argue that regrets are bad and useless; they sneak into your brain, taking more and more room and energy, cluttering the cognitive bandwidth without bringing anything positive; in fact, they yield no benefits whatsoever (note that the acceptance process related to some events that have provoked massive traumas can take a long time, as explained below). Instead, without mindful intervention, they can escalate uncontrollably, spawning a myriad of debilitating emotions, such as guilt, fear, resentment, self-loathing, overwhelming sorrows, etc... And we don't want that anymore, do we? Let's explore how to decisively reclaim control.

Acceptance & True Knowledge: Know & Own your Story

There are things that we surely prefer to leave unexamined. They are likely buried, deep somewhere in dark places, hidden in our brains. It's time to throw light on this stuff. No more hiding allowed. Although this journey will take effort, the degree of difficulty of the process is proportional to the amount of strength and energy you can actually recover, or simply obtain. To truly possess your life's narrative, you must first identify, recollect, and accept it as an essential component. It is crucial. This stage of the method may necessitate solitude. Try to remember all the painful events no matter what those are and try to remember them as accurately as possible. The mind possesses a tendency to modify or even suppress distressing memories as a protective measure, which may prove advantageous in the short term, yet ultimately becomes detrimental as time goes by.

In his book, "Make your bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World," Admiral William H. McRaven tells a story of his friend and colleague, SEAL officer Moki Martin. The story takes place near the Underwater Demolition Team Eleven in Coronado,  California. Moki possessed extraordinary athletic skills, with remarkable abilities in aquatic environments and cycling. Each morning, he would take his bike and go for a thirty-mile ride up and down the Coronado silver strand. Early one Saturday morning, the unfortunate accident happened; Moki's rapid pedaling hindered his ability to perceive an oncoming cyclist, colliding at approximately twenty-five miles per hour. The other rider sustained minor injuries, while Moki lay motionless, face down. Despite receiving the best care possible, he never regained the use of his legs. He has used a wheelchair for the past thirty-five years, however, none of his colleagues heard him complain about his misfortune, not once. Moki already knew better, he knew how burdensome regrets can be. Following the incident, he evolved into an esteemed artist and loving father to a radiant young girl. Furthermore, he established and continues to supervise the annual Super Frog Triathlon hosted in Coronado. Admiral McRaven added, "the common people and the great men and women are all defined by how they deal with life's unfairness.".

My friends, life is not fair. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you can learn about the next steps. Bad things happen to good people, unfortunately, every single day. Everyone makes mistakes. Did you make some mistakes? Fine, own it! Seize every single aspect of your story; that's how you will conquer your past. Accept your past, don't fight it, because it would be like punching water. You can't hurt it, no matter how hard or fast you're punching, As the great Bruce Lee once observed...

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

Don’t let the past shape you, merge with it and use it to your advantage, use it to shape an astonishing future. Now, the time has come for you to acquire this wisdom, so you can continue on the journey toward abolishing regrets.

Tell Your Story to Build Awareness

A story that has not been told or written is not yet a story. For this part of the process, it is better to tell your story to someone chosen with great care who is capable of genuine listening. The objective isn't to solicit guidance but to enable your story to emerge wholly from your being into the world. This is a very powerful part of the effort; telling our full story is a significantly undervalued instrument. More than a mere tool, it is often a necessity to start seeing improvements. Don't forget, omit, or neglect any part. In some cases, you might want to seek a professional ear, because this part of the process can generate strong emotions, bring up forgotten memories, and sometimes generate a state of crisis. Approach this matter with seriousness and diligence.

Regardless of one's familiarity with introspection and self-awareness, the opportunity to confront the inner self and seek personal transformation will be priceless. The exploration of one's psyche can lead to profound revelations, fostering a deeper connection to oneself and the world around us. It is never too late to kickstart that journey, so don’t be shy.

Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to begin this quest. You can also ask yourself these questions at different time intervals, spread through several weeks, because you might come up with different answers depending on your psychological states. I personally find my mind is sharper for great introspection early in the morning.

• What has been draining my energy recently?
• What are the core values that have guided my actions and decisions in life?
• Do I still believe in those values, or is it time to reassess?
• Are there things in my past that I don’t dare to think about? If yes, what? And why?
• Is there anything hidden in my mind preventing me to work toward my purpose in life?
• Are there some things that concern me regarding my past that I never told anyone?
• How do I stay present and engaged in the moment to bring a higher level of awareness to my life?
• How do I define my own identity and what are the factors that have contributed to this development?
• How have I navigated the inevitable conflicts and challenges that have arisen in my relationships, and can I improve those patterns?
  

When you become comfortable with the process of self-discovery, you can also come up with your own set of questions, tailored after your past and present life.

If there is anything you don't understand related to how your past has unfolded, ask questions and seek comprehension. Don't be afraid to push a little bit hard if necessary, without harming yourself or others, of course.

After your story has been told, you may experience a profound shift, as emotions tied to your history become lucid, and connections start to materialize. Cherish these moments of truth, and enjoy those fantastic feelings. Nevertheless, exercise patience and resist hastening the journey. The path toward resolution may span months or years, and I'm afraid that there are no shortcuts. Some people will tell you that there are shortcuts and write books with titles like “From Suffering to Happiness in 30 Days.” Disregard such falsehoods entirely.

The above parts are the emotional components of the process. Once you’ve engaged in those processes, you will be ready for the intellectual part, which is perhaps less arduous but equally vital.

Listen to Lessons from your Deeper Self

You may have encountered the adage that within every hardship or unfavorable event lies a lesson to be learned... I believe that is right. Even though those lessons may not be immediately apparent, it is essential to grant your mind the time it requires to discern them clearly. Don't trip over it, what truly matters is to remain receptive to such wisdom and be prepared to grasp those quintessential teachings as they manifest before you. Sometimes your subconscious mind also can try to explain things to you, utilizing your dreams as a medium. At the moment there is no scientific body of evidence related to an accurate interpretation of dreams, yet I remain steadfast in my conviction that the subconscious mind wields a formidable power, capable of understanding, explaining, and communicating, through the complex interplay of emotions and dreams.

Please note that if you are consuming alcohol to a certain extent or any other drugs such as marijuana, you may be reducing your communication with your subconscious by suppressing the stage of sleep called REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. In that case, you may find that reducing or stopping your consumption improves your self-awareness and communication with your subconscious.

With this understanding in place, embrace the lessons at hand. Persistently repeating the same errors is not a viable path. If you are afraid you will replicate the same mistakes, please see my article, ”Fear is the Mind-killer.” (Coming soon). Fear has no place in this stage of the process. You might have to endorse full responsibility for some mistakes you made in the past. It is critical that you do so you can learn to avoid repeating previous errors. This transformation of regret into constructive energy signifies massive progress.

Send the Past to the Past (Ad Infinitum)

At this point in the process, it will be time to recognize that you have made it all this way, through your past, with courage and honesty. It's time to reap the reward of this process, which is for you to be able to focus entirely on the present moment and on your impending future with full potency, intensity, and lucidity.

Discernment takes work to develop, particularly in an age where information is dispersed chaotically across the digital capitalist landscape, frequently deceptive or manipulative. This environment acts as an amplifier for negative cognitive noise affecting people's minds, rendering them further adrift concerning their own emotions and, ultimately, their regrets. Hopefully the method I have described here will help you gain profound insights, release negative emotions, and build constructively from your knowledge of your past. This will give you the capability to raise an unbreakable shield between your mind and those pernicious mental disturbances.

You will be able to enjoy the present, and build your future, without feeling this burden over your shoulder, and without being crippled by useless and toxic emotions. Regret will no longer siphon your innate strength, nor undermine your endeavors. If you do go all the way through this process, I'm proud of you.

If, however, you faltered and abandoned the effort, I humbly ask you to persevere once more. You have many chances, yet remember that the sands of time are finite. Amidst the vast cosmos, a human existence is ephemeral and delicate; it's essential to embrace the moment, crafting the most radiant life you can, while releasing the grip of remorse on your precious time. Let’s start cultivating hope and inspiration without limits.

Disclaimer: The contents of this article and blog should not be considered medical advice. Please ask your practitioner prior to implementing any of the advice, techniques, or product into your treatment plan.